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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up Strada Principală for breakfast. Grabbed a sarmale from that little joint, you know the one? The one with the crazy old lady who always yells at the pigeons? Yeah, that one. I swear, those sarmale are like a hug in a leaf. But then, BAM! My buddy Vlad texts me. “Dude, you gotta come to the arena!”

Fig. 20 Gáva and Basarabi culture features at the open settlement Alba...